I have been thinking about stopping my blog. I feel like I say too much, I expose myself and make all my personal information public. I am not sure how everyone else feels about this, and previously I didn't think I cared. But this IVF experience has made me question the sanity in always sharing everything. That is how I am, how I have always been. I talk, I express myself, I do not hold things in. But...sharing makes you vulnerable and that is scary. Over the past 2 weeks, since we received the news that our IVF cycle didn't work, I have really questioned whether sharing is the right thing or the wrong thing to do. Throughout this process, I thought that talking about it would help me, that I would have more support, and I did. But, it brought along with it the pressure of other people hoping with you, and the added disappointment of knowing that it isn't only my hopes that have been shattered. It also brings with it the aftermath, feeling that everyone knows it failed and no one knows what to say. I have always been a talker, but this experience has changed me. I don't want to talk about it. In the past 2 weeks, I have shockingly talked to no one but Ben about my feelings. I can't. I don't tell people what I am feeling, because I don't want to feel vulnerable anymore. Anyway, I don't know what I am going to do about my blog, and I still feel that this whole process is what the Lord needed for us to go through, but it has been even harder than I expected. I found something on another blog that describes quite perfectly how I have been feeling and why about this whole experience. I hope reading here helps you to better understand what this process is like, and then you will know what I am feeling without me having to tell you because I don't know when or if that will happen.
Thank you all for letting me deal with this in my own way!
It's Been Too Long
3 years ago