Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Two words: No Cancer

For those of you who don't know, Carmen went in to have a Laper-something-octomy (where the doc drains her cysts) but because of tests that came back positive for cancer our doctor also looked around to see if there was cancer and found no signs indicitive of cancer. The doc took a biopsy of the cysts and the tests will come back next Wednesday but needless to say we were pretty excited and relieved (he's positive that they'll come back negative). Well, I would something spiritual or deep, maybe even philisophical but I don't know what else I could say, except thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I know that they helped. The doctor did say he found something unusual though, while he was draining the cysts he found what seemed to be a foreign object, that "object" turned out to be an alien. Yes, that's right folks, my wife was harboring illegal aliens, just joking. Seriously though, the alien object was taken to a local research laboratory to be tested, it turns out the alien was a growth, the growth was harmless however it affected Carmen's ability to differentiate her affection towards her husband versus her dog. The object named, carmenlovesherdogmorethanben (it's latin for "carmen loves her dog more than Ben"), somehow had turned symbiotic while increasing in size, it amazingly turned Carmen's affection towards our dog into an infatuation, basically the symbiote injected enzymes into her blood stream altering normal levels of affection. The doctors' and I concluded that it is this reason is why Carmen treats our dog like a child, a human child, that can speak and communicate like humans do when in reality it really can't and that the only thing our dog is capable of is licking itself and eating tampons. The doctors have prescribed medications that will help re-balance Carmen's sanity and diagnosis is that she will be well and whole once again when I fatten and roast our dog on a spigget to eat.
*Please note: there will be a lua-ow at the Crisanto's home in about a month's time.

7 comments:

Justin and Jessica said...

Okay..you totally had me freaked out with the whole "foreign object" alien thing! Haha!!! That was pretty comical!
I'm so glad that everything went well today! Give Carmen a hug for me and I will call tomorrow.
Love you guys!

Jennica said...

YAAY!!! I am so excited. You both were definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad that it turned out so positively. :) Esp. the alien thing. It reminded me of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".... "'twas my twin".
Call you soon! Love ya!

Amy Sue said...

Ben you are one funny kid! Oh how I miss you! Thanks for the laugh

Carmen, I am glad things went well today! Please tell Archie that I miss him.

love you both!!!

THE BENTLEY'S said...

yeah carmy,
what a releif. i'm glad it all went well... and ben is too funny. that made mw laugh so hard... sorry about your alien, but now maybe you can get back to loving your husband more than your dog:)

Rachelle said...

Ben you are a total Geek! A good writer as well because my emotions went from relief, to concern, to confusion, to extreme amusement. I'm so glad all is well even if Carmen is obsessed with her dog

Rick...the meek and mild said...

let me know when that lua happens. I had dinner with a Cuban family and they served dog....certainly does not taste like chicken...

Kim & Byron said...

No offense to Carm, but that is by FAR the funniest blog on your site. And quite possibly the funniest blog EVER. I am laughing like a freaking maniac, I think my neighbors may worry that I'm in hysterics.