One Month

This beautiful little boy is one month old today!  He is the most adorable, sweet baby ever.  I am sure I am biased, but he seriously is perfect.  He also chose today to flash us his first real smile.  It was our first time taking him to church and I had just sat down after sharing my testimony (mostly to do with him) and I looked over at him while he was sitting on his daddy's lap and he flashed us the BIGGEST smile.  It was adorable.

We have a separate blog that we have set up for Benson's birth mom but I am updating it once a week with information as well as pictures of him and if you want to see more go here

Benson's Story (Part 3)

So, Benson was born at 9:03 AM Las Vegas time.  We were so ecstatic to meet him, but according to the birth plan we had to wait until Sierra was okay with us coming to the hospital.  Of course we were okay with that, but it was so hard to know that our baby was in the hospital, born, alive and we were in a totally different place.  We were told we could come meet him at 4pm that day.  Talk about nerve-racking.  We spent the day with Sierras little sisters.  We met up with Kimmie and her two boys at McDonald's trying to waste the day away at the play-place.  We were texting and talking to family through the day, sharing the big news.  We had so many people that were so excited to meet him.  We were at the hospital by 3:40 buying Sierra some pink roses and just anxiously awaiting the big moment.  We met up with Judy in the hospital lobby and rode up with her. Because Sierras little sisters weren't allowed to come meet Benson, Sierra and her mom met us in the lobby of their floor.  We gave her the flowers, hugged, talked for a few minutes and then Judy walked Ben and I back to meet him.  Talk about anticipation.  He was in the NICU so there was a fear that we would only be able to go in one at a time, but the nurses were extra nice and allowed us in together.  I am so glad!  I have been looking forward to watching my husband hold his first child pretty much since we met.  It was a moment I did not want to miss.  (Why was he in the NICU?  He was big and healthy, but he had an apnea episode where he stopped breathing and they wanted to monitor him.  No one seemed to be extra concerned so we tried not to be as well.)  I just remember walking around the corner and seeing this HUGE baby boy with his dark hair lying there and thinking "I cannot believe he is ours".  He was all hooked up to monitors so at first we thought we weren't going to be able to hold him.  I was extra disappointed, but tried to pretend like it was okay.  We took a few pictures, our first as a family. When the nurse (Cindy) asked us if we wanted to hold him I almost hugged her.  I sat down on a chair and she handed me my son and my world changed forever.  I will never forget that moment.  I sat there staring into the face of this little boy and could not believe it was happening.  In the background I could hear the caseworker say to Ben, "this has been a long time coming, hasn't it" and the tears started to flow.  We have prayed for, worked for, cried for this little person for almost six years and here he was!  It was overwhelming and I never wanted to let him go.  After a few minutes I turned him over to Ben.  I watched him wipe away tears as he held his son.  We were instantly in love with this little man and just so grateful he was finally here.

Any of you who know me well know that I love Twilight and I am not ashamed.  The movies also have the best soundtracks.  The most recent soundtrack for Breaking Dawn has a song on it called "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri.  From the first time I heard this song the words fit the exact feelings I already had for this baby that was coming to us.  Meeting him for the first time the words of this song were running through my head.  You don't have to listen to the video, I did include the lyrics below, but I LOVE this song and it really is so fitting of my feelings.  I now call it "Benson's song".

A Thousand Years 

(Verse 1)

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I'm afraid

To fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt

Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

(Chorus)

I have died everyday

waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

(Verse 2)

Time stands still

Beauty I know she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything 

Take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath, 

Every hour has come to this

One step closer

(Chorus)

I have died everyday

Waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a 

Thousand more

And all along I believed

I would find you

Time has brought

Your heart to me

I have loved you for a 

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

One step closer

One step closer

(Chorus)

I have died everyday

Waiting for you

Darlin' don't be afraid,

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a

Thousand more

And all along I believed

I would find you

Time has brought 

Your heart to me

I have loved you for a

Thousand years

I'll love you for a 

Thousand more

Benson's Birth Story (Part 2)

The following day, Wednesday January 4th, I woke up so sick! I was actually GLAD the induction had been moved to Friday at that point.  Also, I had talked to my mom and she had been thinking of driving to Vegas with my sister in law, but when she found out they wouldn't induce Sierra until Friday she decided to wait and drive with my dad that day.  I talked to her on the phone that morning and she said "just watch, now that I decided not to come she will go into labor."  Well, at about noon that day Ben came to find me in Kimmie's house where I was taking a hot bath trying to help myself feel better.  He was calling for me and I could tell something was up by the tone of his voice.  It was...they were on the way to the hospital, Sierra's water was "leaking".  Seriously? There was no way I was going anywhere being so sick! Ben got ready and took himself to the hospital.  I was SO worried that our little man was going to be born that day and I was not going to be able to meet him.  Ugh, talk about frustrating.  My mom was pretty upset about the timing too.  But, even with all that going on, there was sheer excitement of the fact that this little guy was finally on his way!
The day went on, Ben stayed at the hospital and then ended up in a different location than me.  (Long story, details to be shared someday, but not now)  That day was probably one of the longest and most stressful of my entire life.  I can't really give all the details of what made it stressful (in addition to being deathly ill and our sons birth mother being in labor), but let's just say that I have NEVER felt more anxiety than I did that day. We were about 99.9% positive that Sierra was sure of her decision, so it wasn't that.  Our concerns came from other places and comments that were made by people involved.  I wish I could give the details and maybe someday I can, but let's just say I felt the whole thing being ripped out from under me and could do nothing about it.  It was the worst feeling ever! I am grateful for Byron Williams who gave me the best advice that night and literally saved my sanity that weekend.  He pretty much told me to just suck it up.  We were SO close to the end, so close to finally having this baby, just suck it all up and smile through it and keep my mouth shut.  Anyone who knows me knows that is extremely difficult for me.  Talk about a learning experience!
I finally started feeling better (physically) and therefore went to go be with Ben.  It was SO nice to be back together and talk through everything that was going on and just be together while our little guy was being born.  Sierra's birth plan did not include us being at the hospital while she was in labor, so we spent the night receiving and waiting on texts from the caseworker letting us know what was going on.  It was probably the worst night of sleep ever (probably didn't help that Ben and I were sleeping on a couch together, one of us lying down while the other sat upright).  I couldn't complain though, because no matter how uncomfortable or anxious we were, this amazing girl was in the most amount of pain she has ever experienced, suffering in order to give us the most amazing gift possible.  Obviously, my discomfort was NOTHING compared to what she was experiencing.  For journaling purposes I will give you some of the details though.  These are the details I received through text messages from the caseworker who was at the hospital with Sierra and her mom.

2 PM Everyone arrives at the hospital and the doctor says they will induce labor today.
8 PM Start pitocin and contractions really start around 8:45
10:25 PM she was dilated to a 6 and we were told she would get the epidural then
11:03 AM water actually broke, experiencing very heavy contractions, dilated to an 8
12:30 AM finally gave her the epidural
3:53 AM dilated to a 10
5:47 AM Sierra has a fever and they have to give her antibiotics.  There is concern she may have to have a c-section.
6:48 Start pushing
9:03 AM BENSON IS BORN!!!!

These are the texts I received and the moment that my life changed forever!!

The second picture (first picture exposes too much) that we received of our son!  He doesn't look too happy to be here, but we were ecstatic!!

Benson with his amazing birth mom right after his birth.  

I know a lot of people are sad for us that we missed out on actually being there for when our son was born.  Don't feel sad for us.  We had our own amazing, overwhelming and spiritual experience when he entered this world and will remember those moments forever.  We immediately began texting our family and friends and sharing the joy!!  

More to come.  

Benson's Birth Story (Part 1)

So, I realize that a lot of people would love to hear the story of Benson's birth and it is so very important to have written down for him and for our family history.  The problem is, that takes time and time is something I do not have right now.  I know newborns sleep most of the time and Benson is no exception to that rule, but somehow the days and nights are flying by and I feel like I am getting nothing done.  But I continue to remind myself that spending time with him and taking care of myself are more important than making sure I update my blog regularly or clean up his nursery.  I do apologize for the delay in blogging though.  I have written down about his birth and placement in an actual journal, so at least it is written somewhere.  I am planning to tell the story in parts, because people.....it is long!



Part 1

When Benson hadn't made his arrival by December 27th (due date was December 30th) we made the decision we would make our way down to Las Vegas for Sierras (the birth mom) "final" doctors appointment and just stay in Vegas until the baby was born.  It was the holidays so Ben was out of school and I had a few days off of work and it seemed to be a good plan.  We had the chance to spend the holidays with all of our family and spend time with those that were visiting out of town before leaving, so it really was great timing.  We packed up the car with two weeks worth of stuff for ourselves as well as a newborn.  Let me tell you, trying to prepare for a baby when you have never had one is hard enough, but trying to know what you will need for the first two weeks of a babies life and pack that is nearly impossible.  We pretty much packed the car with anything we thought we might possibly need.  We also had to bring the breast milk that a very thoughtful friend had been freezing for us, so getting that ready and taken care of was an additional task.  We were finally ready and on our way first thing in the morning on December 29th.  We went straight o Kim and Byron's (probably the BIGGEST blessing in the baby being born in Vegas is that my very best friend lives there and we had a great place to stay for free.  HUGE), dropped off all of our stuff and drove right to the doctors appointment.  Everyone was excited and Sierra was looking like she was pretty ready.  Well, the doctor had a different idea.  Sierra wasn't at all dilated and the doctor just said to keep doing what she had been doing and come back the following Tuesday if the baby hadn't arrived yet. We did get to hear his heartbeat again and the doctor confirmed he looked big and healthy, so that was a relief.  We were anxious for him to get here, but doing our best to be patient.  We spent the next couple of days hanging out with Kimmie and Byron as well as spending more time with Sierra.  On Friday, Sierra's due date, we went to lunch with just her and the case worker.  It was a lot of fun to just spend more time with her, chatting and getting to know her better.  She truly is an amazing girl, wise beyond her years!  We also got to go to Chuck E Cheese for the 2nd time that following Monday with she and her family, so that was a lot of fun.  We got to spend a fun New Years Eve with Kim and Byron as well as Matt and Krissy (Kimmie's brother and soon to be sister in law).  We definitely didn't hurt for fun while we were waiting.

Kimmie and I on New Years Eve.  She is such a good hostess!

We went back for Sierra's doctors appointment on Tuesday, SO anxious to have the doctor say she would induce her.  It was already 4 days after the due date:).  I think I have a hard time being patient....well, Ben was SO impatient.  He had the hardest time waiting and just having no idea when it was going to happen.  I am sure all first time parents feel some of that, but it's a completely different experience when you are not the one that is pregnant or feeling any of the pains or the signs that come with pregnancy.  It is also really hard when you aren't the one who can ask the doctor to induce.  I understand why induction isn't the best idea,but it is also hard when someone else is carrying your baby and their mom is saying that no matter how late she is they won't be inducing.  That is a crazy feeling because there is nothing you can say or do.  That is true about most of the adoption process.  We are SO blessed to be in the adoption world and to have this beautiful baby boy, but it is such a hard thing to experience the feeling of being completely out of control in something that is SO important and life-changing for us.  Anyway, moving on.  The doctor weighed Sierra and checked the baby.  Sierra had gained 6 lbs in the previous 4 days.  She was also dilated to a 1 (lol, I know that's nothing, but we were SO excited that something was happening.  Ben was starting to make jokes about how the baby was just going to stay in there forever).  The doctor did say that because of the weight gain and the size of the baby she would like to schedule an induction for the following Day, Wednesday January 4th.  We were ecstatic!  We went back to the house, cleaned, took a long nap......and then got a text from the caseworker that there were no beds available and therefore the induction had been moved to FRIDAY.  Ugh, 3 more days of waiting.

(I will stop there for now but if you need a Benson fix in the meantime, check out the pictures on facebook here or here

Totally Worth the Wait!

Benson Kekoa Crisanto

Born January 5th, 2012 at 9:06 AM

9lbs  19.5 inches

Our First Family Picture

Completely in love

I want to sit down and write a novel about the last couple of days of our lives.  It has been the most amazing time for us.  Right now though, I will just tell you that our little man has finally arrived.  After 5 years, 9 months and 26 days of waiting....he is here!  We are in heaven!  Thank you for all of your love and support.  I will post more pictures and details soon.  If you would like to see more pictures of this gorgeous baby I have posted a bunch on facebook.

Baby Showers

I have amazing family and friends who have been so supportive and extra excited that baby boy is on his way.  We wanted to make sure everyone had a chance to join with us in celebrating and we did that through four baby showers.  This was another one of those things that I always wondered if I would get a chance to have.  Although I don't love being the center of attention, I do love that we finally had the chance to have baby showers for OUR baby!  It was awesome and just so much fun.

1.  Ben's family and friends in Oregon while we were there for Thanksgiving thrown by Ben's mom and sisters  

Ben's "white mom" (Kevin's mom).

One of Ben's best buddies, Jared, and his awesome wife Amy.

Ben and Jared

Carissa (Nelson), baby girl and me.

I made Ben open the gifts, it was awesome~

The Alcorn Family

Gotta love the crazy faces:).  Cindy and Nanay (soon to be Lola)

Ben, me and Nanay (Mom)

2. My parents ward (currently our ward) as well as our extended family thrown by my mom and sisters 

The invitation (designed by Tiffany)

yummy cupcakes

Everything looked so cute!

 3. My co-workers, friends from California, friends from high school, etc thrown by Jennica Thompson and Amy Pulsipher.

Cute Decor and treats

Tia, Carmen and Emily playing a game

Opening gifts, got lots of adorable items from everyone!

Kelly, Amy and me

The Johnson girls that were there, Tiffany, Rachelle, Carmen, Mom and Jessica.

 4. Our Lehi ward and neighborhood friends thrown by Jenn Ross, Jenny Lynes and Marisa Seitzinger

More adorable treats and a very yummy cake by Marisa.

So cute!  This is where I got the name banner that is now hanging over Benson's crib.

I love shower games, measuring how much water a newborn diaper holds.

More cute gifts

Jenn and her cute carseat cover!  I love having talented friends (and I have lots)

Jenn is going to kill me for posting this, but seriously, the best picture ever!

Jenny, Jenn, Marisa and me.  Love these girls!

Thank you to everyone who came to one of the showers, bought us gifts and amazing items for the baby and just for all of your love and support.  We are SO blessed!

Making the announcement

For five years I have been looking forward to the day when I would be able to make a pregnancy announcement.  Every time the thought of "maybe this month" went through my mind, with it came the thoughts of how we would tell everyone, what their reactions would be, that feeling of anticipation.  When we got the call and were told we had been chosen, one of the first things I did was think of how to tell our families.  We decided to tell everyone two days after we got the call at Sunday dinner, since we would all be together.  We decided to buy Archie, our dog and only child for the past five years, a t-shirt that said "Most Awesome Big Brother ".

We decided to put it on him before Sunday dinner while everyone was home and have him run out with it on and see what happened.  We were so nervous and so anxious.  Our plan got thrown off a little because we had extra visitors for dinner and we wanted to keep the announcement to just family.  I was SO frustrated because I just wanted to make it happen (no offense to Summer and Damon, we love having them around).  Because we had to wait until after dinner to tell everyone here at home, the first people to hear the news were my brother, Adam, and his wife, Tonna, out in South Carolina.  We skyped with them downstairs in the basement so no one would hear us.  We took a picture of Archie in his shirt and texted it to Adams phone.  It was hilarious to be on skype with them when they got the text. Adam was extra confused.  The first thought was "you are getting another dog?", haha.  It was fun to finally say it out loud "we've been picked, we are getting a baby".  It definitely made it more real.  After that our visitors went home and it was finally time.  We were SO anxious to finally tell everyone!  Everyone was just hanging out in the living room chatting.  I wanted the announcement video taped so Ben was pretending to video tape the girls singing and playing.   It's funny because Archie ran into the room with his t-shirt on and everyone noticed, but no one thought anything of it.  You will notice my sister in law, Tiffany, glance down at him and then look back up and not say anything.  That's when Ben looked at me, both of us kind of unsure how to proceed.  Archie was perfect.  He just laid there with the shirt out for everyone to see.  They figured it out and the moment was everything I had been hoping for. You will want to scroll down and pause the music on my blog before watching the video.  If it's too small (which I think it is) go ahead and click here to view it.

We obviously would have loved to have our entire family there, both those from Ben's family and mine, but we were just excited to share the news in whatever way we could.  We called and skyped with everyone else in our families by the end of the night.  It was so much fun to share our big news and experience their joy!